Hmmm.....

Hmmmm...how to start this update. Let's start with Kate. She is gearing up for eye surgery on March 18th. She has a pre-op visit on March 7th. She has to do a round or two of antibiotic eye drops before actual surgery so we will get those and get the details on when to show up at Rady Children's on the 18th. I will be glad when it's over. I'm tired. She has a heart check in May and we will be taking out her hardware in her legs early summer hopefully so she can still have a fun summer. Depends on recovery time, etc.  We will find that out in March as well I believe. This picture was today after school. Nice little flower in the front yard.

Alright. Now me. So I have tried a few medications for migraines over the past few years. I found one that worked getting rid of a migraine after about an hour of pain. Well, I ran out of them a month or so ago. About two weeks ago I had a week that was full of really fun migraines. I spend the better part of 20 minutes on the floor of my closet because it just hurt too bad to move. People say that something hurt so bad they thought they were going to die. I never think that. I get to the point when I start thinking I hurt so bad I wish I would die. That's when I go to my back up supply of Vicodin. I know. It is a last resort and frankly, when I am in that much pain, I don't care. At all. I can take Vicodin like Tylenol. It gets rid of the pain, but I don't feel any of the euphoric feelings other people describe. I don't get sleepy, nothing. It's just like Tylenol only it actually works. That being said, Vicodin is an addictive substance so I don't want to take it on a regular basis. I probably take it 3-4 times a year, not too bad, but not great either. If I can catch it early enough, a couple Excedrin and a heating pad on my neck can get me to a comfortable place. After my bad week of headaches I made an appointment with my Neurologist to get more medicine.

Today was my appointment. I told her about seeing Dr. Harris at UCSD and how he said I have Meniere's Disease and I'm losing hearing in my hearing ear and will likely go deaf. She asked me about the dizziness and the headaches and all of those things. She then had me do some touch your nose and walk down the hall with one foot right in front of the other, haha I'm a little wobbly on that one. She then checked for symmetry with my facial muscles and asked when the last time I had an MRI. I had one in 2009, but not since. She said she can see that my left side of my face, the hearing side, is not symmetrical with the right. That the left side of my face is slightly drooping. Nice, right. Believe me when I say it is barely noticeable. I have smiled in the mirror more times this afternoon than could ever be normal. I see it, but it's not big. On top of that, I really got screwed in the pretty smile area. Hahaha.  Serious though, you should see the rest of my family. I totally got the short stick there. But I digress. 

So your hearing nerve is cranial nerve number 8, and your facial nerve is number 7. They are very close to one another. Given the hearing loss in my "good" ear and now this "facial drooping" she has ordered an MRI to check for "something" that might be pushing on both of those nerves. Guess what that "something" might be?  

Let's set that aside for a minute. Since I have tried several different types of medications for migraines and nothing works, I now qualify for a different type of treatment. Botox! Sadly it won't be injected anywhere that will make me look like a plastic doll, but a lovely 30 shots all over my head every three months is supposed to help with migraines. I told my mom I was actually kind of excited about that, she said sure you are. Sadly, I actually am. I'm tired. Pain takes energy and I need my energy elsewhere. Abby, Noah, and Kate need a real mother. Not this pile of pain on the closet floor. You know my kids are amazing. When I have a headache, they rub my back, give me hugs, tell me they love me, and pretty much do any chore I can spew out without too much pain. 

Waiting for insurance to approve the MRI and the Botox treatments. I should hear back in about a week. This has not been a good day. I have had tons of practice hearing bad news at a doctors visit. I have my moment of shock, I feel sad, then I get mad, then I have a level of acceptance, my quasi zen isn't life great in spite of all this place. Usually that all happens in about an hour.  I have improved the grieving process, it's all the practice. :)  But today has been different. I have genuinely been stuck at shocked and sad. What gives? I am blaming it on being up late last night doing homework. Tomorrow I'll wake up and be able to joke around about my life, right?  I mostly think that there will be nothing on the MRI and the Botox will be my miracle drug, at least that is what I have been repeating in my head all day.

I totally use this blog as my therapy. I hope anyone who reads this will understand and forgive my weak moments. The moments I throw out a serious complain, because this is it. I will pull it together, just forgive me if I'm not particularly chipper until I do. 

 I have had the strangest craving for blueberry pancakes all day. Isn't that funny? My life could theoretically be falling apart and all I want to do is grab the kids and run to IHOP and smother some pancakes in so much syrup it makes me feel ill. And an ice cream cone. That's a legit dinner menu, right?

 Here is my info on Botox. Check out all the places to get poked! And non of them in a place I particularly care about being wrinkle free. Cannot catch a break.